The See Journey | Blog
The SEE Journey offers the Strategic Emotional Exchange technique to uncover hidden lies and beliefs, exchanging them with the truth. The SEE Journey is a 8-12 session journey, for which counselor certification is available.
emotional wholeness, counseling, christian counseling, emotional health, Strategic Emotional Exchange, personal value, identity, gifts talents and abilities, personal development, emotional IQ, art therapy, ptsd therapy, anger management, bipolar therapy,
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THE SEE JOURNEY

Two penguinsIn honor of Valentine’s Day coming up, I wanted to give you what I believe are 10 simple rules for a strong relationship. Being married for 35 years, I can say we are witnesses to the power of these simple things and the hurt that happens without them. Here you go.

10 Simple Rules of Relationship

1. Do not boss or otherwise direct your partner as to what he or she should be doing.

2. Do not engage in petty arguments about who is right and who is wrong. You both are right and both are wrong.

3. Do not pretend to not care when the other one hurts your feelings. Speak up and both be kind-hearted toward one another.

4. This is not a competition where one person wins and one person loses. You both win or lose.

5. Be careful not to insult or make fun of the other, even with small jokes. It hurts and breaks trust.

6. Do not engage in sexual innuendo with others outside the relationship.

7. Protect one another’s value and honor each other in little ways showing small acts of kindness daily.

8. Be especially kind and do not commit another to something without asking.

9. Be generous to help each other accomplish what is important to one another.

10. Always put the needs of the other above your own needs and as you do this each will feel loved and taken care of. The minute you put yourself ahead is the moment the relationship will suffer.

LoveOrFearIt has been said that all of our emotions, thoughts or actions come out of one of two sources: love or fear. This means one or the other motivates every decision we make. If we choose love, we give. If we choose fear, we take. All crime is born out of fear. All generosity is a product of love.

Fear isn’t just being afraid of the dark or a monster in the closet. Fear is rooted in our identity and our value. It tells us we aren’t good enough and are worthless. It says we have to grab and claw for ourselves because no one else will. It defines us as a no good failure and convinces us to act accordingly. Fear (the absence of love) is the reason people end up in prison. It is the reason people hurt others. It teaches people to be self-centered and hurtful. It hordes and grabs what it can for itself. It reduces humans to the level of animals trying to survive.

A university professor from Pennsylvania stated that 70% of criminals come from broken homes (1). [Article] This issue becomes complicated when looking at the factors that contribute to criminal behavior, but I believe fear is the least common denominator to it all.
The lessons of fear and worthlessness or love and value begin at birth. Our parents or guardians teach us how much value we have through their actions and words. They can express we are a mistake and unwanted all the way to we are treasured and priceless. These things shape our identity about who we are and what our place is in this world. Fear produces more fear and love produces more love. Fear will not bring love, but love has the ability to dissolve fear.

Love is the answer. It will heal our own fear of failure, disappointment and worthlessness. We must refuse to accept the self-defeating thoughts about ourselves we’ve been told or shown. If we take in fear and accept it, we will give it out, just as in breathing. But where can we breathe in love? It comes from the fresh air of heaven, which is the heavenly unconditional love for ourselves and humanity. Breathe in the truth that no matter what you’ve been told, you are priceless and loved. Breathe that in every morning and watch the fear fall away and new confidences take its place!

shovelWe’ve all done it once or twice. We’ve all stuffed our feelings because other things were more important at the moment. This is necessary to do sometimes, but when we chronically bury our emotions, it’s not such a good idea.

In our society sometimes showing our emotions is frowned upon. Sometimes in our families we are raised to believe that crying is a bad thing and it is better to “keep a stiff upper lip” and “carry on.” This may seem like it takes care of the problem and everyone moves forward nicely, but in reality, those feelings don’t just go away. They just go underground waiting until they feel safe to surface again and when you least expect it, here they come!

Burying our feelings can become our way of dealing with issues, but it is not the best solution. It causes us all sorts of trouble. We can become so disconnected with them that we can’t feel anything at all. We become numb emotionally and not be able to experience a wide range of emotions (positive or negative). What I have seen is that when this happens, we default to the most intense emotion: anger. So what seemed like a real solution (suppressing our feelings) ends up narrowing and intensifying them.

Two things I have seen help people who chronically stuff their feelings is 1) to be allowed to express their feelings, negative or positive, through drawing or writing, and 2) to be allowed to talk about the experience and express it in words. Our brains need to process things and being allowed to express them verbally or in a written form allows us to heal and move into a balanced emotional place. So, try journaling your thoughts and feelings and allow them to flow out of you. Read back to yourself what you have written and then pretend you are your own best friend and encourage yourself. Journaling can help to break the habit of denial, keep us emotionally present, and help us stay connected to ourselves in a healthy way.